I am one of those people who is definitely terrified of snakes, but this year I think I’m going to be safe.
All winter long, I have been thinking about different ways that I can protect myself and my home from these evil, vile creatures and I think that I have come up with a really good way to do it.
See, I know that snakes are cold blooded animals and so they want to be near a heating source whenever possible. I thought about this long and hard and I finally decided that the best way to make my house snake proof is to make the place as cold as it can possibly be. So my plan, even though it probably sounds crazy to people who aren’t scared of snakes like I am, is to make my house freezing cold all summer long. I have decided to hire my local HVAC company to come and put in the biggest, coldest commercial air conditioning unit that they have available in my basement. I know that they will probably tell me that it’s overkill to have an air conditioning that large in my basement, but I plan to insist that that is the exact kind that I want. Then, I am going to set the thermostat in the house as low as it will go and I’m going to leave it at that temperature all summer. If it’s freezing in my basement and in my house throughout the summer, then no snake in its right mind is ever going to want to come near my house. And of course, that’s just the way that I want it.